Don't Mess With Jess

I was a Texan for two years. Granted, I lived in Austin, which barely qualifies a person as a Texan, but I did spend a spring break on the "Texas Coast" and I was known to refer to a group of people as "y'all" once or twice. Anyway, I am thinking about your impending trip to Texas - the state that's really a country of its own. And I think is totally appropriate that you're going there to kick this cancer to the curb. Public places in Texas still have signs on the doors that say things like "leave your guns in your pickup." And you cannot drive down a single one of Texas's eight lane freeways without seeing a Don't Mess With Texas bumper sticker (on a giant American truck) every three miles or so. (Did you know that this infamous Texas slogan was actually born as an anti-littering campaign?) I keep seeing those bumperstickers in my mind with your name photoshopped in. Don't Mess With Jess.

So put on your cowgirl boots and get your butt to Texas. Get whatever weapons you need to kick some cancer ass. And call me if you need assistance translating Texan. I'm a little rusty, but I could probably help out.

I LOVE YOU. -Melis